Don't Ever Stop Moving

I looked at him in the eye and in a second, he was gone. His body laying on the ground
motionless, his life energy slowly oozing out of him. I stood hovering over him feeling guilty, my
body completely frozen. This is the very first time I ever had to take someone's life and it hit me hard. Broken and heart stricken, shoulders slumping, I made my way back to the squad leader. The squad leader gives me a firm hand shake saying, "You were a boy who has now become a man." Everyone cheering over the battle we had won, I was the only one not rejoicing. How can you do so, when you have taken someone's life? How is a 17 year old boy suppose to react to a situation such as this, with a smile?

Those first missions in Iraq were weary on my mind, on my body and to my soul. How could
I have chosen this kind of life? This life, that takes and takes but never gives back! I had made two extraordinary friends, who have had similar views. We would fight together; we would laugh together; we would face great adversity together--we seemed invincible. Then reality set in with our second deployment to Iraq; they were gone. Both shot, one died on the scene, the other in the hospital and I was left alone... Pain, frustration and hate filled my heart over the loss of those two. Fearing to feel such pain again I talk to no one, listen to no one, I become attached to no one.

This army life, this warrior's life--whatever you want to call it--is not meant for me. I want to
be able to raise a family without having them worry for me. I want to be able to see my child walk his first steps. I want to be able to hold the love of my life without fear that I may never return again. I don't only want a different life, I need a different life. My future lies in my family and the studies that will help make the change of life I need.